hmm.. its not that like my life is bad.. But my “Someone’s” life is bad. I know i have said that the person will have the same situation as me and think of what they have done to me.. Now it has happened.. but now i regret on having this type of situation.. haiz..

now im prayin to god, asking for forgiveness.. i am selfish after all. Haiz. I juz hope evrything will come back to normal..

I had enough of my life right now… I am not talking about the happiness… I am talking about the sadness… Ha… People think being quiet means agreement… But why is the world so selfish..? Ok… I am not blaming the world just for one person… I wish I am able to voice out my thoughts. But why is it when I voice out, people do not want to agree… Am I that selfish..? Wow… I had given what I am able to give… Now I have nothing except tears… I am being hurt again and again at the same spot. Why? Why this should happen to me? I had a perfect life. I had caring parents beside me, understanding sister to stand by me, playful brother who always make my day beautiful and easy-going friends who always made me think life the brighter side. But it has crushed down very rapidly. All are against me now… Except my friends though… I still have friends who really care for me… But I do not have the same perfect life anymore… It is ok. I am not going to care anymore… I mean why I should care anymore when nobody is caring for me… They said I am arrogant… What a joke…!? That time I cried for almost 2 hours. Nobody came to ask me what problem I am having when they know that I am having problem… So that is not call arrogant la? Oh. That is called ignoring. Lol. But if I ignore people, they call me arrogant. Ha-ha. Why? Why is it that they consider me an outcast? Is it because I do not have the courage to voice up my feelings..? So if I am going to tell you are arrogant, will you praise me? Ha-ha. Instead you scolded me for being rude… Why is it so ah? Why is it when you say I am arrogant, you consider yourself being courageous to voice out your opinion? But when I tell you the same thing, you consider me as rude..? Being shy is an offence is this world is it? I mean you say that you follow your own style. But why is it when I follow my style, you keep accusing me as anti-social. For goodness sake, JUST LET ME GO ON MY OWN WAY. What is it to do with you if I am not having male friends? Of course because you need a guy to flirt right? Just say it straight la. When you talk to guys, that is call friendly. But I just talk to one guy; you told me I am flirting with that guy. Why? WHY IS IT SO? I know. For now, I am invisible to you. But when problems come, that is when you will come finding for me. You think I am a fool to entertain you each and every time when you have problem. Then why don’t you do the same to me? When you have problem, I have never tried to hurt you by ignoring you or telling advices that are hurting… Then why do you do that to me…? I have really broken down into pieces. I have no strength to argue or quarrel with you. I have decided what to do now onwards. I am not going to care about the bad comments you want to give me anymore. You can call me arrogant. You can call me whatever you want. I have come to know that you are not supposed to be in my life anymore… You and the people behind you… So I am just going to ignore you people… But if you people want to find for me only when you have problem, I warn you now. BETTER STAY AWAY FROM ME… I won’t know what I will do with you people…
Lastly, I would like to say something to that particular person. You may insult me for not having a boyfriend. But wait and see. Nobody knows what the future have for us. So stop using your tongue and start using your brain… Thank you…

now i realise something.. we dun have to have an enemy outside.. i have one right beside me.. we can turn an enemy into friend.. But what if a friend turn into an enemy..? That is terrible.. I knoe she WAS once more than a friend for me.. but now.. She is nothing to me alr.. after wat she have done, i cant reali forget or forgive her.. she betrayed me for the 1st time.. i forgave her.. She did for the second time.. i forgave her.. Now she betrayed me more terribly.. shud i forgive her..? of course i wont.. Last time i used to give face.. But y shud i know give face wen u show me ur face..? i have has enuf of u gal.. I had learnt my lesson.. i will surely never forget the day you betrayed me.. God will have the reason.. he will show it to me.. wen the time comes, you wont be happy animre.. but i will help u aniway.. coz i am not like you.. i will still treat u as my close fren.. its juz tt it will not be as close as b4.. i am not cursing you.. i am tellin wat is goin to happen in the future.. Waiting for the special day.. Will never forget "1 JUNE 2008"..

Now i know what is reali mean by sociable.. It is never a matter about how many frens we make.. It is about makin others feel tt we are gud frens of theirs.. Now i realise tt i do have many frens.. Thnx to all in Queensway Mc for making my day the best.. Even if some of them have never spoken to me, I realise tt they still care for me.. Thnz… =)

Hm… The terrible thing in this world is being ignored by your loved ones… It may not happen every time… but if it happens once, the pain will never heal FOREVER… coz that’s what I am going through now. I feel terribly lonely… Being treated like I am someone from Jupiter.. I am not joking. I am telling the truth… And I also realize that even your siblings will become selfish and jealous when you become better than them… But that’s not fair… I know I am the eldest. But it does not mean that I cannot be like ordinary girls… If I am eldest, does it mean that I must not love someone? Does it mean that I cannot talk whatever I think? That’s stupid. I do whatever my parents asked me to do… I study and work… But when I can give something they want me to do, why can’t they give me what I actually want? I did not ask them for PSP… I just asked them to give me freedom to mix round with my friends… That is why till now I can’t get many friends… I wish I could go back to the stage where I do not even know what I am doing. I wish I could go to the playground and just mix around with other children. There is no such thing as race, religion, jealousy or selfishness… Nice to hear… but I can’t go back.. I have to deal with all the problems I am facing now…

My life is gettin more and more stressed up.. last time i used to hate goin to both work and school.. but now i juz love goin work onli.. skul is still boring to me.. and stress.. it is not because they are handsome guys or sth.. it is juz tt i feel very easy with the ppl there.. in skul, i cant reali mix around with the ppl i like.. but in workplace, the ppl are very understanding.. they are the type who mix ard wit ani1.. no race, no religion, nothing.. juz frenship.. onli frenship matters there.. thats wat i want.. i reali thank god for showing me such ppl.. and making my life more better.. Thnx..

It is not easy being alone.. I am not joking.. ppl with lots of frens tell me tt they wish they were like me.. I know.. I am conservative type.. It is a big thing if i tok to someone freely.. i tot being alone is better.. but seriously speaking it is not a gud thing.. i tot being quiet is better.. but seriously it is not.. i wish i cud speak to evrybody wit such a freedom, without the fear of hurting ppl, without the fear of letting out someone’s secret.. Yah.. i am sure i can do tt.. My frens tell me tt they are fortunate to get a fren like me.. but i reali cnt take it.. wen i wish i cud to speak to those whom i reali like, ppl ard me juz dun give me the chance.. but wen they give me the chance, it seems tt evrything is over.. Im not sad becoz of tt.. i juz feel tt i am being outcasted.. but i know it is partially my fault too.. i have to break the barrier ard me.. i am goin to break it.. I am goin to be myself.. i am not goin to pretend to be someone else.. i am someone who is conservative, quiet, shy, or watever.. but ppl who know me the best will know tt i am after all a normal teenage gal who have crushes on handsome guys, playful, talkative..

Last but not least, Ppl who think im rude.. Pls try to understand my feelings.. I am not rude.. I am tryin to be open-minded.. Thank you..

I saw My Hero.. it happened wen i was goin back hme from work with my sis.. lol.. i am sure My Hero will be thinkin why am i working in mcdonalds.. yes, i am working in mcdonalds.. and i am not regretting it for nw.. i regretted joinin mcdonalds on the 1st day of work.. but nw i am enjoyin myself.. i dun think i am paiseh to say tt im mcdonalds crew animre, after seeing My Hero.. Haha.. the farni thing here is that evry wkends, i wish tt My Hero shud not see me in this Mac uniform.. but i realise that wat i was wishing for is wrong.. My Hero is more scarycat than me. LOL.. after seeing us, he turned the other way to go.. maybe it may not be scared.. maybe he dun wish to see me tho.. whichever the reason.. i am satisfied that he knew i am working in mcdonalds.. i am not goin to be afraid of facing my frens asking me sarcastically why am i working in mcdonalds(wen i can get better job than this) or the problems in my workplace.. nw i am more changed person.. LOL.. not much changed.. i am stil the same quiet gal.. but i have learnt how to face the fate, circumstances or anitin..

"Life is like jigsaw puzzle. You have to know and get all the pieces correctly in order to live life fully." I know i am stil growing.. i realise tt it is not onli me having problems wen i joined mcdonalds.. there are ppl who are worst than me.. one of my colleague,who is juz 19 tis yr,is from Malaysia.. she came here to work and give the money to her family in malaysia.. she wont be able to see her family members till she got leave, which will be like twice a yr or sth.. i realise how lucky i am, to have my family members juz by my side.. wenever i fall, they are there to support me, encourage me and make me excel.. i am happy to have such a nice ppl ard me.. instead of worryin abt how to make my family proud of me, i was worryin abt not being Loved by My Hero.. how silly gal have i been for the past few yrs.. yes, i love My Hero. and i know he dun deserve my tears or love.. but i wont forget him.. he may not be my fren, not even spoken to me.. but because of him, i changed myself.. i became more open-minded, more frenly.. i thank him.. but it does not mean tt i don love him animre.. i still love him.. =)

"We r like a droplet in the sea call LIFE. We must go thru the rough waves b4 settling down on the sea bed.."

I miss my hero.. haiz.. i wish i cud see him.. tok to him..

i miss u, My Hero..

I saw him.. so happy..

he was so handsome..